écraser, l'amour, la haine

It's study week and I'll be home until Wednesday. I cant be staying here for too long cause I need to study. As I had tagged my bbs in my status, I've been feeling lazy and down as finals approaching. But thanks to my housemates, who study like a maniac, all I have to do is just crash their room with loads of books, and automatically my books will scatter all around their bed as theirs' on their table.

Many sorry to my bbs for not keeping up as much with them as possible. Sorry :(

Well,
life has been hectic. I just finished with my last test last night. Sunday night. Awesome.

As my favourite quote says

"In the end, you'll realize you only have few true friends. But that's better than having many random friends"

but I don't have many random friends. But I always know I have my true friends with me. No matter where they are. Always.

I've been tense this pass few weeks. The fact that I'm studying in a deep forest never left me. Even now.

Even thou I'm the kind of person who mostly stays indoor when I'm home, at least I have the feeling that things are happening around me. At my hostel, we have a great view of the nature. But everything felt static. Dead.

Thus, I've been walking around the campus, going up the great hill of Beting. But still, it gave very little effect on me.

I don't know what else to do to make the feelings go away. I feel like my emotion is at an unstable condition.

I NEED HELP

I need extra social skill

I really mean it. My social skill is limited to,

"What's your name?"

"Which block?"

"What course?" -_-

Yes, lame. I am.

I've been expecting that from the very beginning. That's why I always describe myself as someone who always keep to myself and a good listener. I mostly always listens, and say a little. To those who knows me, would probably be familiar with the 'me', who'll sit in a corner doing her own thing, or, sit around the group lol-ing my ass off.

But, now that I'm in a new place, I find it hard to get used to the surroundings, even though I liked it, especially the socializing part. Finding a clique is a zero chance. It's not high school, so finding a clique is out of the question. Finding real friends, yeah, I'm still working on it. Not to say that the friends I already have now are not my real friends, its just that, its still early adding to the fact that I still don't know how their personality is like and everything.

Still, I already spots the ones who neglect me or look down on me or doesn't even want to look at me. I just hoped you'll change your way of looking at me one day. The way I do things doesn't always reflect who I am on the inside :)

Right now I totally envy Fatiehah Zaini bb. Since you're all sooo charming and got just the right amount of social skill and get along with everyone just fine. I know you have problems making friends at first too. But I'm guessing that at teast you got talking.

Remind me again your first impression towards me,

You : *bump*

Me : *glare*

You : 'Aphal minah ni?'

Precious!!! :) I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

ALL OF YOU ♥

Random. Lets go!

Lets see,

Oh! I just realize that I'm going to Uni in a week after my sister asks me when I'm going. I had to count by finger and got shock by it myself. Then, on the spot, I made a list of thing to bring and the list goes on on. List some for me if your're reading. Now, I just have to tell mommy that 'we' should go shopping this Saturday cause I have to go for my facial on Sunday. Huh. So many things to do. So little time.

So the boss asks me when will it be my last day working. To be honest, it never even occurred to me. So I was thinking, next Thursday will be just perfect :)

And I'm thinking about working out again. Lose some kilos. Seriously, even my mom said I look 'bigger'. Specifically the bum area. Tsk tsk tsk. Do you know how bad that is??? Damn! Need to work harder *fist* What happen to green tea project? Oh, I stopped long ago. I just cant take that bitter thing going down my throat. I admit. It actually work its magic cause every time, I will be sweating and felling hot. I even felt a little dizzy and sleepy which means I was getting detox. But the taste really tortured my taste bud. I was never a big fan of tea or coffee anyway.

So, I guess I'll just stick to the traditional method of exercising and water. Hope I can get myself straight for this one.

That's the end form me. Random post.

Now, I wanna hear what you guys have been up to lately???? Post up something. I wanna hear how life has been treating you all!!!

Love ♥

Unsettled hands.... ♥

Day by day. . .

Yes, day by day, my life passed by and every night before I closed my eyes, i would rethink everything I did. If I fast forward it and skip the times I spent on the floor with my cat, everything is less than 10 minutes.

Conclusion,

Nothing happen. What a sad truth.

I know, at least I have a job. You wanna know a secret? A few days after I've been confirmed, I don't feel like going. Then everyday that I have to work, I would look at the clock, "It's 3, 3 more hours before work". Always counting down. Some times I would take a nap in the evening cause I know I'll be tiring and unintentionally wake up at 5.30 and be rushing to shower and everything.

While as in the morning, I'd have to wake up like everyone else and get ready and starts walking for 8.30.

But this morning, I didn't wake up like everyone else and I overslept. Thank God Hairul texted me asking if I'm coming (cause he wants his coffee prince). When I looked at the phone it was 8.30++. I was late. Very late. I rushed everything I did. Showering, scrambling eggs, getting dressed, walking and finally arrived around 9.30 with an awkward smile on my face. But still, better late than never.

But then again. day by day, everything passed by like a feather. Ever so slowly and in the end, there really ain't nothing to learn from it. Well except for the fact you should not waste your time like me.

Do something useful, something informational, something worth your time to waste.

p/s : I can cook spaghetti now. The canned sauce at least. Weee~~~~~

Being offensive

There's a thing about being offensive. It's rude, insulting and it hurt people's feeling.

Well,

that's exactly what I've become. To certain people at least. My current lifestyle kind of affect what I become. Sometimes I got annoyed very easily by peoples word. And because of this annoyance, I'd say that some people got hurt by my word. Like what happened recently, one person actually complaint this and that about me. Usually, I would just keep quite and ignore, but I was unusually out of the mood, so I said something offensive which I knew slap the person right on the face. Twice in a row actually. Right after, the person said something else about what I was doing.

But really, when you got what you just got from me, do you still want to talk to me? But this time, the person answered back saying "Such arrogance", so I went, "I always am". Only then the person decided to keep quite.

One thing I learnt from it,

being offensive is not always bad. You might find it useful someday. Like I always tell my bbs, "Don't be too nice to people, they might stab you in the back".

That's what I practiced everyday. Not to be too nice to people. Even thou I'm not that nice to people, people still brag and talk trash about me. Imagine what happen I was very nice towards them.

But don't always act offensive all the time though, people tend to avoid these kind of people with such strong words coming out of their mouth. Especially girls.

Think before you say anything. Just to be safe, think twice before you say anything. Some people are just too sensitive and get hurt a lot easier by words than acts.

I DON'T Have a Boy.

Yes, sorry to pop your bubble. I don't have a boy. So, what the hell was that in the previous post. Well, thats life. You might find something that you think might like, but turns out, its just a little confusion messing with your head. Thats's what it is. The truth is, those thoughts was just idiocy, complication and immaturity. I am aware that I am happier being single at the moment. I'm not ready for any kind of relationship that needed my loyalty, commitment and attention. I need those things to share with the more important people around me and myself. I know if I got involve again, its just gonna fall apart like it always did. Right now, I'm just going to focus to the ones I love around me. To be honest, I was never ready for a relationship. So, I would want to apologize to those whose been hurt by my action. I know there are people thats pissed off, hurt and angry of my previous action. I've been selfish when it comes to it cause I don't know how to care for other people feeling except when it comes to friends. So if anything, family and friends comes first.

There you go everyone. The answer has been reveal. Though, I don't like this entry much. There's not much I can say in here.

What life have to offer

Actually I don't really know. I'm just going with the flow of my life. So what did happened lately? I passed for my drivers license and got on the list of 'The person to be consider for transport for the next outing'. I also got matrix at Malacca just like most of my classmates. But I didn't gave an answer to the offer yet. I'm gonna wait for UPU results to come out and then take my pick. What else??? Oh yeah. I watched DEAR JOHN!!!!!!! Yeay! Awesome! I'm finishing up my story (I hope). I'm also having thought about my current thoughts about my relationship with someone. I'll post about that later. And I've discovered mountains of great quotes by great people. I've also been sleeping late and waking up incredibly late as well. I really have to stop that. It gives me headache and heats. Oh, by the way, my pc came back to life, so, I lost everything on hard drive C but I still have everything else, my music, movies and s***s. what a relief. But my Photoshop software is gone. Sobs sobs.

Guess what. I gain weight. A LOT! I'm telling you. One fine morning, I woke up and just felt like weighting myself after a long time. I never really like to weight myself cause I know then I'll be too self conscious about my weight. But usually my weight would never go up a certain number. But that morning, the number shocked me. My reaction : "*Gasp* Oh s**t! This is not happening." So I told my sister and her reaction : "Your going down a dangerous path sister. Jom beli teh hijau". That night, we went to Tesco with out parents and got green tea. On the same night, we watched Dear John with a warm green tea. -_-" Its bitter but I bear with it. Its only been two night I had green tea. So thats the story of my dangerous weight.

My sister wants to go the movie. With me of course. But we don't know whats good right now. She got two free tickets and we might go this weekend(?). She even asked me when we can get my license. Obviously she's dying to make me drive. Haha. I'm not entirely excited about getting my license. Cause I know that I'll have to drive around here and there when people tell me to. I prefer to stay home.

So basically, my life is a zero fill with dust. Thank you for reading.

Come back next time.... *Wave*

Once ~

Its too bad though cause I know that you guys will yawn watching this. Once. Its love and music. Ireland as the setting and its simple and realistic and not overly done like any other movie. In a glimpse, it may look like a low budget movies, but I'm very satisfied with it. The songs are beautiful. Its definitely my kind of song.

Here a short synopsis from the movie :


An (unnamed) Guy is a Dublin guitarist/singer-songwriter who makes a living by fixing vacuum cleaners in his Dad's Hoover repair shop by day, and singing and playing for money on the Dublin streets by night. An (unnamed) Girl is a Czech who plays piano when she gets a chance, and does odd jobs by day and takes care of her mom and her daughter by night. Guy meets Girl, and they get to know each other as the Girl helps the Guy to put together a demo disc that he can take to London in hope of landing a music contract. During the same several day period, the Guy and the Girl work through their past loves, and reveal their budding love for one another, through their songs.

*Both guy and girl is really unnamed. But no matter, I didn't even realize they have no name until the credit*

My favourite song in this would be If You Want Me and Falling Slowly.
It's not the kind of movie you could find anywhere randomly. It's very original and fresh. Not the cliche love story we always saw these days. The storyline is unpredictable. (Except maybe for the end) It really relaxes you, you won't have to jump around to conclusion after conclusion, guessing this and that.

I would recommend this to everyone. And I mean everyone. Doesn't even matter if I knew you would hate it.

Overall, this movie is not EMPTY. . .

Huh....

Salam and hello blogger. Lets see, last I update my blog is . . . February 18. Owh, making it a month. So. . . lets see. What is there to talk about? Even thou I'm not going to school anymore, I'm still as busy and bored as hell. Everything is planned out for me. All I need to do is to follow it. Kelantan, English course, license. What's next? I'll just have to wait. I rarely step out of the house. If there's no need for me to do so, I will avoid it as much as possible. I didn't know being unemployed would be so boring. But at the same time, I don't think I want to be working right now. I'm such an undecided person. So, in a nutshell, you're unemployed and boring. So what did you do at home? Lets list it down :

1) Movies. Of course. Lovely Bones, 500 Days of Summer, A Walk to Remember (never got tired of it) Korean drama (Currently watching You're Beautiful. Cliche, but still watching). I'm still googling for gore.

2) Cleaning up the house. I know right. Me? Cleaning? Yeah right. I'm not doing a very good job at it. I'm 17 and I still need training. Tsk tsk tsk.

3) Internet surfing. Of course. It's the only way to connect with my peeps. For those of you who texted me and received a very very late reply, it's because everyday after I finished showering and everything, I never remember to bring my phone downstairs with me. So, sorry in advance.

ANTICIPATING : Remember Me, Eclipse.