It's crawling to an ENd.

You know what I'm talking about. I have two subjects left. A total of five papers to answer. Chemistry and Tassawur. How was the other? Please don't ask. It's not me to make the past haunt me. It still haunt me even thou I don't think about it. Just sitting and doing nothing makes me think about my answers in the past. On the first day of exam, my dad made me promise not to discuss the answers afterward. I'm not the type that like to discuss anyway. Cause then I would worry about the past when I still have to think about the future. I would feel stupid if I knew I answered it wrongly. I know, everyone make mistakes but I'm just an average girl with an unusually high hopes and dream. Every morning when I go to school for exam, my mother would pat my back saying "Kuatkan semangat", and would just smile and left the car.
I always tell myself not to give up. I read somewhere that human have three chances in life to success. But you should grab it the first time and never let it go. You just don't know when the other two will come around. They might not come around at all. You just never know. We'll just see what happens in the future.

What's wrong and What are you?

So, it's exam month. Three weeks is kinda almost a month. Of course I've been studying. But I have a problem that starts even before the exam. I'm not sleeping right. Like right now, its 2a.m and I'm not sleeping. I can't sleep at night. But then, I'll sleep after dawn till like 11a.m something. It's almost like I belong somewhere else, so I'm sleeping using their time. I still sleep very late even thou it's school night. Then I would feel sleepy while doing the exam. It's absurd. Why can't I sleep normally. I always felt tired nowadays. It's not like I did anything. Hana said I'm a little over worried about the exam. But I think it's something else going on in my head. But what is it?


Do you guys remember the last post(Its below this post), when I said that I don't talk at all at home. I only talk when there's things to say. Then, just recently I think, I know why. I'M A SELFISH BITCH. You have to admit it. It's true. I shocked my self. But when think it over, it is very true. I have another thing to admit. But I'll jst put it in my next post. Till then..

How do you Live your Life

I got the idea for this post when Teah ask me, "Una, ko tak cakap ke kat rumah?". My answer "Tak. Aku buat hal sendiri je. Kalau ade benda nak cakap, ak ckp la". I think if someone were to change life with me, a few a hour later they would come running to me saying my life is 'dead'. I'm the kind of person who doesn't talk much. I like to shut my mouth and I'm happy with my life and everyone in it. But not always. You know how sometimes you just don't want to deal with friends. Well I get that all the time. Especially now when I'm dealing with exam stress. So sometimes when they ask me something I would just answer them but very lazily. Sometimes when I don't feel like talking I would just keep quiet and be by myself. Even at home, I don't talk to my mom about my friends or anything. I think my family is used to it even my sisters they always talk by themselves because I am so lazy that I never answer anything they ask me sometimes. So friends, if you see me with my scary face, don't talk to me please. There's also one more thing, I'm kinda bad tempered. The bad tempered rarely comes, but when it does, I would be like 'Shut the f**k up'. I don't even care if I lose on something when I'm having those feeling, just go away I don't want to talk to you. It is really unavoidable. I think when a person first saw me; they would probably think I’m an arrogant and scary person. But once you get to know me, I’m not scary at all. But when I’m not talking, ignore me because there must be something wrong with me then.

Searching for more books.

First Narnia. Now I'm on the look for a Japanese book called Battle Royale by Koushun Takami. I've watch half of the movie and my first respond is "Wow. I gotta find the book". Awesomeness. I've download it. If you want to watch it online. Here's the link. Just in case you don't have a very strong stomach watch a few part first. Here the book cover.

And here is the trailer for you. Enjoy!

Clique. Friends. Affiliates.

Clique, friends, affiliates. What’s the difference? Each one of these words has very different meaning. Clique is like a group of people with the same interest. Friends are the people who are always with you through the good times or bad. Affiliates on the other hand are a gather of same kind of people. Which one of these is the better type of gather? Well for me, of course its friends. When you are in a clique, you would get boring doing the same thing as everyone else. Affiliate for example is the popular. The popular don’t really have any friend. When you’re popular, the only thing that is important is yourself. When one of the affiliates got in some kind of trouble or problem, the other would be like, “Thank god it’s not me.” I’m not saying all the popular are like that, but some are. And another thing about the popular is when you’re on top, you take one wrong step, in a blink, you’re in the bottom and I don’t think any of your affiliate wants to go down there to save you. But true friends are always with you no matter what. Either your cat died or your dad is acting weird, they would probably say “I bet its nothing, don’t think about it” or they will probably sat and listens to your unending babbling. Sometimes not saying anything is better than saying something that would make someone even more hurt. So that’s what I think. What about you?

Life is a Stage

It’s been so long since I post useful things on my blog. Life is a stage. I think you can guess from the title of this post. When performing a play, unexpected things always happened when you least expected. You could probably stutter in the middle, fall flat on your face, or even forget the whole thing. And another thing, there’s always going to be an antagonistic character you will have to face. But in real life, there are a lot of antagonistic people on your stage. People will always want to conquer your stage even thou they have their own. So, what I always tell my friend is, don’t always be too nice to people, sometimes they going to stab you in the back when you weren’t looking. So, beware. For me, I’m always nice to people in the beginning. Then when I see their true colours, I will know how to act. So, if you think that by always being nice to people, they will react the same way, well think again. And when you stutter in the middle, think of something. Make something up. Don’t just give up on it. When you fail on something, its not the end of the world. Lastly, falling flat on your face. When this happen, don’t think that you’re gonna die just because you fall. There’s a lot more opportunity out there. What you have to do is, grab it. Those person who laughs at you when you fall, are going to regret ever laughing at you once you’ve succeeded. So, since it’s your stage, you are the actor and you are also the director. So plan it well, may you live well!

The Best Experience of My High School Year.

Yesterday my school was the host for the Drama Competition. And of course our school had a drama team for it and I’m part of it. We started practicing like 2 weeks ago I think, but overall I think we’ve done our best and even though we didn’t win, we had fun doing it. The first week we were still playing around and were not serious. But after that, everyone started being a bit more serious and committed. We practiced a lot and scream a lot too. Lol. When its time for our last practice that was on Wednesday, we really did it like we’re competing. And lastly The Day comes. Everyone got nervous and all. On stage we really went all out. But some people still think we sucked. But whatever. I had so much fun. Thanks for the memory guys. After we perform, me and some of the girls were like “We’ll really gonna miss everything after this”. Even though we are having our exam the same week as the competition week, we still came to practice every evening. And it’s true, I do miss getting home late in the evening, getting very exhausted, screaming out, everything. But most of all, I have confront my stage fright. Thank you to everyone who has involved in this especially the teachers. *Applause applause* Drama SMKPA Team! Go!

Happy Birthday to Big Brother

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to Abalid,
Happy Birthday to you.

Today is my beloved brother's 26th birthday. He is getting older and is still single. So annoying. I text him to wish him a happy birthday and he reply back 'Trime Kasih. Blaja rerajin tau'. Lol. He's always nagging telling me to study. I really don't mind him nagging and always do as he told. And he's always nice to me. So, thanks for everything Abalid!

*Sigh* Its that time of the month again

I had a test this week, from Tuesday to Thursday. I wasn’t sleeping right. I was pushing myself because of the test. I studied in the evening like at 4 to 5.30, and then I took a break till 8 something, then I continued until 11.00. Then I woke up again at 4 or 5 in the morning. Well the effect of this messy sleeping cycle:

1. I got sleepy while doing the test.

2. My brain got into a black spot of some kind.

3. I was feeling so hot like burning.

4. And I was feeling very uncomfortable.

5. I had headache the whole week.

6. Plus I was on my period.

I was and still am very stress. I have three essays I have to finished by Monday and an assignment about some great person who has done something somewhere. And right now I’m having a throat problem and every time I cough, it goes to my head and my head feels life something knocked on it. Last night, I had to sleep face down because my head hurts. *Sigh* Now I know how suffering feels like. But at least this kind of suffering doesn’t last forever. Wait till I see the real world out there. There’s much more to come in my way.

Happy Birthday to my beloved ABAH!

Yay. Today is my dad's birthday. Hurm.....I wonder what my mom has in mind for today. My parents would probably go out tonight, without me that is, and celebrate. I always got left at home. *sigh* Well I'm fasting today and later I have tuition class. Yah! I'm so tired. It feels like I haven't rest forever. And I've been having headache occasionally nowadays. Well I guess thats it. Just keeping you updated. Thanks for reading. Annyong.

How I Handle My Stress

So, you probably know that this year I'm sitting for the most important exam EVER! So I've been stressing so much lately. I’ve remembered the year when I’m sitting for PMR. A month before the exam, I cried so much. I believe some of my friend might remember. It’s so crazy I thought I was going to die. Just like this year. But this year, it’s a bit different. I cry every month. That’s the only way I could do to release the entire burden. Sometimes I even have to force myself to cry because it’s just way too much for me to handle. I really hope for this year to end. Especially I’m the last person in this house to finish school and 6 years late. Urgh! And my parents and my brother especially is expecting so high from me. I really don’t want to let anyone down. I’ve tried everything to handle those stresses. I soo hate screaming on the pillow. I think it’s not worth it. Because for me, I have to see and hear the stress gone. And you can’t really hear your voice when you scream on the pillow and I don’t feel the satisfaction. Crying on the other hand, you could see your tears and the sobs is really wow. I would feel so much better after crying. I don’t have to worry about anything. It’s all going to be handle delicately.

Talk About a Boring Life

Few days a go, my best friend, Teah came to school that morning and said, “I woke up this morning and I just realize that I have such a boring life”. And I thought, Really? It’s not because I have such a great life, but because I’ve realize that since last year or maybe earlier. She said “I woke up this morning to iron my uniform and thought I did this and everything else that I did every single day over and over for a whole year”. It’s true. But my other best friend, Anna said “My life is so happening” and I was like What did she do at home? I have such a boring life because nothing ever happen in my life. And Teah asked me “What can I do to make my life not boring?” And I said, “You have to act wild”. I say this because its true. Wild people/girls never gets bored. Unlike us, the innocent stay at home girls. Eventhou I am very bored with my life, I feel very safe. Have you ever wondered how those sluty minxy whorey whore girls life is like? Well I think its not very safe. You get the picture. Ok I know that going wild is not the only way. But if you have great friends, you would have a fabulous life. I have great friends. Really awesome friends. But I’m a very boring person. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But at least I live and I have friends. For all those people who relates to me, I’m so sorry that I’m such a boring person. I can’t wait to be at the next stage of my life so I won’t be such boredness to you guys. Back to Teah’s statement. The next day she said “I’m starting to enjoy my life”. And I was thinking Wow, that was very fast because I’m still bored. I don’t know what to do. Help? Some suggestion please?

My violent imagination / fantasies

Hello. I just got back from the clinic. My mom got irritated by my coughing. Before this, I’ve got a fever and a cold. But now, I can’t stop coughing. A week ago, my mom asks me if I want to see the doctor, twice. But I just shook my head. But yesterday, she made a statement, “You’re going to the doctor tomorrow” (Esok kite pegi jumpe doktor), she’s obviously annoyed by the noise I made. Well anyway, I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about me thinking violently. Have you ever felt mad at someone, I mean really mad? Just FYI, I always felt like that to people. I wouldn’t get mad at people if they did nothing to make me mad. But when they do make me mad, I would feel like attacking them right there and then and just strangle them to death. But of course I wouldn’t do that. What I do is, I imagine myself with a gun pointing to that person head, and then I shot them. And if I feel that it’s not enough, I’ll imagine stabbing them until I feel very satisfied with my work. Wait wait. Before you judge me blindly, just think about it. I think it’s much better than what I probably would do (I don’t even know what I would or could do) in real life. Right? I also think it’s a good exercise for my brain. You know, increasing the imaginary level. Don’t you think so? So, just a little side note, do not mess with me. Do you really want to be in my violent fantasies/imagination? Do you really wan to die aver and over again? But if you just really want to mess with me, thank you. You just boost up my imaginary level.

How I was before

Before I became this Una that you know now, I was a different kind of person. When I told you this, some people might say "Yeah right". But its the truth. I actually used to be a very shy girl. I don't even talk to guys. I only talk to them when I need to. If I had a problem that would need a guys help, I would think of something so that I don't have to deal with them. And some people may noticed that. Then, when I was 15 I think, there's a person, a guy, who suddenly told me I'm different ( Ko lain la sekarang). And I was like What different ( Lain ape)? And he said Different different( Lain la). Back then, I don't even know what he means, but just recently, I realized that I was different because I started to talk to guys and just communicate. I think I know why. I think its because used to make a wrong choice when it comes to guys. And I made that wrong choices because I'm lack of communication with the boys. So, to know one, you have to connect with one, that what I say. Now, I'm a more open person and I laugh very loud to.