My violent imagination / fantasies

Hello. I just got back from the clinic. My mom got irritated by my coughing. Before this, I’ve got a fever and a cold. But now, I can’t stop coughing. A week ago, my mom asks me if I want to see the doctor, twice. But I just shook my head. But yesterday, she made a statement, “You’re going to the doctor tomorrow” (Esok kite pegi jumpe doktor), she’s obviously annoyed by the noise I made. Well anyway, I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about me thinking violently. Have you ever felt mad at someone, I mean really mad? Just FYI, I always felt like that to people. I wouldn’t get mad at people if they did nothing to make me mad. But when they do make me mad, I would feel like attacking them right there and then and just strangle them to death. But of course I wouldn’t do that. What I do is, I imagine myself with a gun pointing to that person head, and then I shot them. And if I feel that it’s not enough, I’ll imagine stabbing them until I feel very satisfied with my work. Wait wait. Before you judge me blindly, just think about it. I think it’s much better than what I probably would do (I don’t even know what I would or could do) in real life. Right? I also think it’s a good exercise for my brain. You know, increasing the imaginary level. Don’t you think so? So, just a little side note, do not mess with me. Do you really want to be in my violent fantasies/imagination? Do you really wan to die aver and over again? But if you just really want to mess with me, thank you. You just boost up my imaginary level.